


Undertow

by alabasterclouds



Series: Just One Of Eleanor's Little Things [6]
Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Bottlefeeding, Childhood Trauma, Cool Aunt Janet, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Diapers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Non-Sexual Age Play, Panic Attacks, Separation Anxiety, Thumb-sucking, Wetting, meltdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-10-19 18:27:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17606612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alabasterclouds/pseuds/alabasterclouds
Summary: Tahani decides to get out for a little alone time while Eleanor's napping, but she forgets her phone, choosing to let Janet break the news to Eleanor when she wakes up. As a result, Janet's left with a very upset and distraught Eleanor . . . and Tahani learns a lesson about healthy communication, especially when your girlfriend's upset.Warning: y'all have to know the drill by now, but this is ageplay, please read the tags, and consider yourself warned.Note: Thank you to everyone who has championed these little fics and begged me for more! I love prompts and I love to hear from you, so if you'd like to chat with me, please hit me up at http://alabasterclouds.tumblr.com





	1. Tahani

The hum of the dishwasher, and the occasional soft exclamation from Janet as she read the newspaper, were the only things that broke the soporific silence on this particular sunny Saturday afternoon. Tahani sighed in contentment as she crossed her legs and finished her manicure, admiring the way the gold-flecked nail polish gleamed in the sunlight streaming through the window.

While Janet was here "for a little girl time", as she put it, "even though I'm not a girl", Eleanor had proven to be _very_ cranky after a late night out playing video games with Jason and Tahani, her face set, had instituted mandatory naptime despite the fact that Eleanor had said she wasn't really feeling all that little today. Eleanor had fought it tooth and nail, but after she'd soaked her pull-up on purpose and thrown a tantrum in which she'd stamped her small feet and tossed her favourite stuffed lamb across the room angrily, Tahani changed her mind about letting Eleanor be an adult today and had promptly marched her off to the bedroom.

"I won't go!" Eleanor's angry shouts had echoed across the vast luxury condo, and Tahani had given Janet an apologetic smile.

"I'm so sorry, darling, but it seems we've got a little bit of a situation here. Will you excuse us for a moment?" Tahani's face had twisted in frustration, and Janet answered her with a soothing smile.

"Eleanor's a little overwhelmed, today, I think. Aren't you, sweetie?" Janet's quiet, matter-of-fact voice had actually gotten Eleanor to subside a little bit, and she'd, to Tahani's surprise, nodded in acquiescence, her face scarlet with shame and anger. Tahani took it as a sign. Eleanor had these off days, she thought to herself. Maybe a bit of time apart would be good for them.

For now, though, Tahani needed to soothe Eleanor enough that she'd accept she needed to calm down. Putting a gentle hand on Eleanor's shoulder, and half-expecting Eleanor to throw it off angrily, she pushed her gently through the door into their shared bedroom and closed it softly behind her.

Eleanor's jeans were soaked, her pull-up having leaked when she'd wet herself. As she stood there, in her rumpled T-shirt, pieces of blonde hair sticking to her wet cheeks, Tahani's heart broke a little for her. The poor little lamb. 

"Well, now, Eleanor." Tahani let out a long sigh, and after a moment, Eleanor let out an answering one, ending in a couple of sniffles. Tahani looked at her sympathetically.

"I think sometimes it's just a rough go, isn't it, lovey?" She held open her arms, and Eleanor came into them after a moment, snuggling against Tahani's warm brown shoulder. Her right thumb came up and in a moment, she was sucking her thumb raptly, breathing evenly, her eyes closed.

"That's a bit better," soothed Tahani. "You're all wet, aren't you, darling? That can't feel very nice, all clammy and cold," she clucked, and Eleanor nodded against Tahani's dress.

"'M sorry," she whimpered. And then she let out a shuddering sigh, big enough to blow an entire forest over, a few tears slipping down her cheeks. Eleanor's resilience when she was this tired was nearly nil, and Tahani, holding her shivering little one in her arms, realized she'd maybe pushed Eleanor a bit too hard this morning, insisting she help with the weekend chores and exasperatedly berating her when she had just wanted to be alone in her room. 

"I'm sorry, too, sweetie." Tahani kissed the top of Eleanor's tumbled head. "Shall we start over? You can have a nice nap, and then maybe we can bake your favourite cookies this afternoon with Janet. How about that?"

Eleanor nodded again, and brushed the tears off her cheeks in annoyance. She hated losing control, especially in front of others, and this particular episode, Tahani knew, was born out of being overwhelmed and maybe a little traumatized by Tahani's strident tones and orders this morning. Tahani was slowly learning how Eleanor worked . . . and this was not the way to get her to do anything.

Eleanor kissed Tahani's cheek, a bit shyly, then, and Tahani turned and kissed her button nose, beaming down at her. "What a sweet little lamb I have."

Eleanor smiled, then, and Tahani knew things would blow over. She led Eleanor into the ensuite bathroom and wet a fresh washcloth as Eleanor shucked off her wet jeans and heavy pull-up. 

"Goodness, what a mess, Eleanor!" Tahani's voice was teasing. Eleanor wrinkled her nose in response, but didn't say anything, a blush rising on her cheeks. Tahani began to wipe her down.

"I think someone should have had a nappy on from the start today," said Tahani conversationally. Eleanor didn't say anything, but after a moment, she sniffed. 

"Maybe."

"I think so," said Tahani. "And I think she needs one now. Did you want to pick one out, darling?"

Eleanor brightened, then. She loved picking out diapers. Tahani had sat with the laptop one night and ordered all kinds of designs and types, nearly all of them suiting Eleanor's sparkly, child-like personality, and it was one of the delights that Eleanor had when she was little. While Tahani preferred Eleanor stay in the high-quality diapers that kept her skin dry and healthy, she couldn't resist indulging her little lamb a bit. It was just so easy to make Eleanor happy.

Bare-bottomed, the little blonde woman scampered to the bedroom drawer where Tahani kept all of her diaper supplies, and came back momentarily with a blue diaper, covered in stars and moons. These were Eleanor's particular favourite. She would often pair them with her white star-printed pajamas, and sure enough she had them in her hands, too.

"Eleanor, love, did you need pajamas just for a nap?"

"And a bottle," said Eleanor, her lower lip coming out just a little bit. "And a lot of cuddles."

Tahani couldn't help a smile as she put the washcloth into the laundry basket and washed her hands. "Well, darling, you're not going to bed for the night . . . and Janet is still here."

But Eleanor's eyes glittered a little, and Tahani realized she wasn't quite back to her normal self just yet. "Please?" was all Eleanor said, but her voice wobbled just the tiniest bit, and Tahani's heart melted.

"Of course you can have anything you like, sweetheart," she murmured, leading Eleanor back to the bedroom and diapering her securely. "I'm right here. And I'm very good at cuddles," she winked, tickling Eleanor's soft tummy. This time, Eleanor smiled for real, and trapped Tahani's hand on her belly, stroking Tahani's fingers under her own.

"Oh, Eleanor, what are we going to do with you," breathed Tahani, but she leaned down, hair spilling over her shoulders, and kissed Eleanor. Eleanor batted at Tahani's hair and kissed her back.

"I'm cold, Tahani," she complained then, and Tahani mock-gasped.

"Goodness, someone ought to call the Queen's guards! Eleanor can't possibly be _cold_ for one more moment," she teased, and Eleanor giggled as Tahani helped her into her favourite pajamas and rubbed her chilly arms.

"Now, love, I'll go get your bottle ready, and then you're going to have a nice nap, all right? Time to hit that reset button," said Tahani, but she was startled by a knock on the door. Opening it, she found Janet with a bottle warmed to Eleanor's preferences - just a bit hotter than the perfect temperature for a cup of tea, thought Tahani.

"Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!" Tahani exclaimed. "Thank you very much!"

"Well, I figured you might have had your hands full." Janet winked at Eleanor, who winked right back at her. "But it looks like she's feeling a little better."

"A dry bottom and a warm bottle do wonders for this one. Shame we didn't figure it out sooner, eh?" quipped Tahani, shooting Eleanor a playful look.

"No, we just had to go through Australia's best alcoholic beverages first before we hit the right combo," replied Eleanor dryly, and Janet grinned at her. Tahani laughed and brought Eleanor her bottle, settling on the bed with her as Janet quietly left, closing the door behind her.

Eleanor was always so eager for her bottle, thought Tahani as Eleanor settled into her arms, her tiny body fitting perfectly against Tahani. She opened her pink mouth and anxiously sucked at the air for one or two beats, until Tahani let her latch on. 

"It's right here, lamb. It's not going anywhere. Shh." Tahani began to hum as Eleanor settled into a rhythm, her eyes slowly blinking closed as she sucked raptly at the warm milk. Her warm, soft body soothed Tahani, too. And watching Eleanor's watchful blue eyes flutter shut always made Tahani feel as if she'd accomplished something amazing. Calming Eleanor wasn't always easy.

Worn out from her late night and her tantrum, Eleanor didn't even finish her bottle before she let go and nuzzled into Tahani's chest, letting out a contented sigh. Tahani patted her back until she was sure Eleanor didn't have any gas in her tummy, and then rubbed her back for a few moments as she quietly laid her little one down in the king-size bed. Then she had snuck out, happy that Eleanor was otherwise occupied for awhile.

Now, Janet sat on the couch in the living room, again perusing Tahani's collection of magazines. Tahani just stared at her in fascination for a moment.

"Darling, haven't you read those?"

"Yes, but I find that there's always new information to be had. Like the fact that Cosmo must not have very good editors. This one's riddled with grammatical errors," said Janet, shaking her magazine at Tahani as if to make a point. 

"Well, Janet, there's always my collection of books if you really need something new to read," Tahani said. "I've got the entire collection of Oscar Wilde if you'd like. Or you could read the works of Tennyson."

"Oh, I've already read those," said Janet absently, going back to Cosmo. "This is much more interesting at the moment."

Tahani gave up. "Well, love, as my friend Princess Diana used to say, you'll find your joy where you can, or something to that effect. Look, would you mind terribly if I stepped out for an hour or so? Eleanor should sleep the whole time, but I'm sure she'd find something for you two to do if she did wake up."

"No, she likely will sleep the whole time. I haven't seen her that out of sorts in quite awhile," said Janet. "You're doing wonders with her."

Tahani smiled a little. "She's doing wonders for me," she countered, and picked up her purse. "I don't want to just abandon you, love, but I'd like to find the other nail varnishes in this series and I really just need a bit of a break after this morning."

"Oh, you're not abandoning me," Janet smiled. "I don't mind sticking around so Eleanor doesn't wake up alone. I know she's a grown woman, but . . ."

"But after this morning, that's likely a very good plan," finished Tahani, not wanting to think about Eleanor's reaction if she did wake up by herself with no one there. While Eleanor had lived alone for quite some time now, she had always lived with her parents or roommates, and got lonely very easily. She'd confessed one night in bed with Tahani that she'd had so many terrible exes just so she didn't have to wake up alone. Poor lamb, Tahani had thought. She was adamant that Eleanor should never have to wake up alone again.

Janet nodded. "Go out. Relax. Eleanor and I will play the latest video game or something. At least that's what Jason always asks me to do with him."

"Yes, I don't really understand them either," said Tahani, putting on her shoes.

"Oh no, I understand them just fine. I just win so easily . . . it's not very fun for anyone else, I'm afraid."

Tahani tossed Janet a grin. "Well, love, that's not very sporting of you, is it?" She air-kissed Janet's cheeks, Janet looking bemused, then swept out the door. "Back shortly."

And stepping out into the warm Australian air, she let out a long sigh. This, she thought, was just what she needed after this morning.

After all, nothing could go wrong . . . could it?


	2. Janet

With Eleanor asleep and Tahani gone, the condo was soporific and sleepy. The sun streamed down peacefully into the living room.

Janet sat quietly for awhile, paging through Tahani's vast collection of magazines. Truth be told, she couldn't really figure out why humans even liked these things. For one, they were a massive waste of paper, and for another, they had the most inane commentary. Janet pushed a hand through her never-out-of-place hair. Who cares what Kim Kardashian was wearing this season? And why did it matter if you could achieve the perfect smoky eye or not? She could tell any human wanting to know these things the answers right off the bat. It was all in the finger brushing.

She sighed. Turning on the TV was really no better. All of this bad news. Being a human was hard, Janet would never insist otherwise. Being constantly bombarded with information without the circuitry to hold it all had to be exhausting. And the poor things didn't even have a void to go into to relax. If it wasn't bad news, it was more of this useless celebrity commentary. Award shows, fashion shows, and don't even get her started on _reality shows_. Janet rolled her eyes. It was like one long annoying Bad Place torture exercise. In fact, she was sure they actually watched Big Brother Sixteen in the Bad Place 24/7, now that she thought about it. No wonder humans had so many issues making the right choices if this is what they were constantly presented with.

Janet tossed aside Tahani's Cosmo from April 2015 and stretched out her long legs. Eleanor had been asleep for about an hour now. The poor thing had really needed it - Janet had known that right off the bat, as soon as she'd laid eyes on the little blonde woman. Eleanor had a way of standing, her shoulders hunched up and her back straight and stiff against the onslaught of the world. When she was out of sorts, this stance was even more pronounced. While Janet didn't know as much as Michael did about Eleanor, she did know at a glance that Eleanor was dealing with some serious unresolved trauma. 

But Janet secretly enjoyed prickly little Eleanor. The traits everyone else found annoying, Janet found endearing. The way Eleanor tried to annoy everyone made Janet smile. Eleanor was like all of the funny parts of the Bad Place, wrapped up in a truly sweet and giving personality. Of all the humans, Janet rooted for Eleanor to make it to the Good Place the most. She tried so hard all the time, even when she was being a brat. And she needed love and acceptance the most of them all.

Peeking in the bedroom, Janet smiled at Eleanor asleep in the huge bed. She was curled on her side, her thumb firmly in her mouth, the satin edge of her blanket over her nose. Janet didn't pretend to understand why Eleanor was the way she was - she figured it likely had to do with her extreme abandonment and intimacy issues - but she found it sweet. Human babies were so innocent and adorable, so dependent on people to love them. Eleanor giving into her little side allowed her to access this care without having to outright ask for it. It was win/win, especially for Tahani, who also needed someone to want her, first and best, above all others. They were both healing. Janet was pleased.

Tiptoeing back to the living room, she spent another hour flipping through channels on the TV before she heard Eleanor's light footstep in the hallway. Janet looked up as Eleanor stumbled a bit into the living room, her blanket held against her cheek, her white star-printed pajamas a little askew on her tiny body. 

"Hi there," Janet smiled. "Did you have a good sleep, Eleanor?"

Eleanor nodded, a little, then blearily blinked and rubbed her eyes sleepily. While Jason was the type to be instantly awake, like a cat, and Janet wasn't sure if Chidi really ever slept at all, Eleanor took awhile to wake up. She stared for awhile into the middle distance, and Janet quietly waited for her brain to start firing neurons before speaking again. She had learned that humans like Eleanor needed a few moments of silence to shake off the sleepiness. Silence was the best way for that process to go faster.

Sure enough, in another moment or two, Eleanor looked a little more alert. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and focused on Janet. Then she smiled, a tiny little smile, and Janet smiled back.

"Hi."

"Hi," Janet replied. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," said Eleanor. She shifted a little bit, and then looked around. "Where's Tahani?"

"She stepped out for a little while," said Janet, picking up a newspaper that Tahani had left on the coffee table. "She should be back soon. She just wanted a bit of fresh air."

Eleanor didn't say anything for a few moments, and Janet surreptitiously looked up from the newspaper to study Eleanor. Eleanor's face was carefully controlled, but her eyes widened a little at the news that Tahani had gone out. She stood relatively still, but behind the curtain of her blanket, Janet saw Eleanor clutch at the crotch of her pajama pants, almost involuntarily, and Janet knew that she was wet and probably a little bit uncomfortable.

"She'll be back soon, Eleanor. Why don't you come and sit down for awhile? We can watch some TV." Janet kept her voice steady, and after a moment, Eleanor focused back on her and nodded.

"Okay." 

She walked over to the couch and gingerly sat on the edge of it, beside Janet. Janet felt Eleanor's tiny body settle beside her, but after a moment, Eleanor got up again, leaving her blanket haphazardly draped over the couch cushions.

"It's all right, sweetie," said Janet, trying for a soothing tone. It was obvious at this point that Eleanor wasn't going to settle unless Tahani was here, too. Part of that was because the little one was wet, but Janet recognized the early signs of panic, too. Eleanor had not expected Tahani to leave. And this was clearly not part of their everyday routine. 

"Why don't you text her?" Janet found Eleanor's phone, with its sparkly pink phone cover, and handed it to the little blonde. "She can let you know when she'll be back. That'll make you feel a bit better, won't it?"

Eleanor's face brightened a bit and she quickly grabbed the phone from Tahani. "Good idea. Don't know why I didn't think of it." Eleanor quickly typed a text into the phone, her body practically quivering, and then settled down again beside Janet, her gaze fixed on the screen. But after a moment, they heard a faint chime, and Eleanor looked up, startled. 

"Is her phone . . . ?"

There was a second chime, and Janet looked over to find Tahani's phone hiding under a throw pillow on the couch. She pulled it out and put it gently onto the coffee table. "Ah. Looks like she forgot it."

Eleanor was quiet again for a few moments, her face pensive. She gently put her phone down beside Tahani's. Then she got up and walked out of the room.

Because Eleanor was a fully-grown adult human, Janet felt odd following her. But there was something odd in Eleanor's mood, something that she hadn't seen from Eleanor before. It was almost like the calm before the storm. While Janet only knew what that meant theoretically, she knew it was an anticipatory feeling, one almost of dread. And there was a tension in the room that she didn't know how to fix. She didn't know what was going to happen next.

This was an odd feeling. Janet knew everything. She always knew what would happen next.

Putting aside her feelings about Eleanor, she got up and looked through the door to the front lobby, where Eleanor, her diaper sagging in her pajamas, was stretched up on tiptoe to look through the fanlight of the door, and not quite making it. 

"Eleanor," said Janet, her voice gentle. "She's coming back soon, sweetheart. The floor's so cold. Why don't you come back into the living room? I can make you a snack."

Eleanor turned, then, her blue eyes catching the light from the door. And now Janet could see that they were full of tears. 

"Oh, no," Janet breathed. "It's okay, Eleanor. She only went out for a little while. She didn't leave you."

Because Janet could see exactly what Eleanor thought. And she suddenly knew exactly why Eleanor was so upset. Because one day, her mother had left, just like that, and hadn't come back for at least a week. And Eleanor, tiny, vulnerable little Eleanor, had been only four years old and had been left alone in the apartment for over two days because her father hadn't bothered to come home, either. And no one had come for her. No one had checked on her. No one knew anything.

Janet stepped forward and put a hand on Eleanor's stiff little shoulder. "Come on," she murmured. "Come away from the door, sweetie."

Eleanor, after a moment, obeyed, but as she did so, she let out a big sniff. And as Janet led her back into the sunlight-filled living room, she let out another sniff, and another. And when Janet looked down at her, she saw that Eleanor's lips were trembling uncontrollably.

"It's okay to be upset," Janet said. "And I don't think you're too comfortable, are you? I think you need a diaper change, too." 

Eleanor shook her head. "Tahani," she managed to get out. "I want Tahani."

"I know, sweetie." Janet sat down on the couch and took Eleanor's cold little hand. She tried not to think about all of the human germs swimming all over it - after all, Eleanor was a dedicated thumbsucker and Janet knew that she didn't exactly pay attention to personal hygiene. But she was standing there, trembling, all of her fears rearing their ugly heads, and she was just so vulnerable. So _little_.

"Can I help you get changed, Eleanor?" Janet stroked the back of Eleanor's hand. Eleanor shook her head again. 

"Tahani."

"Okay." Janet continued to stroke Eleanor's hand, and after a moment, Eleanor stepped a little closer to Janet. But something seemed to break in her suddenly, because she started to cry.

"Shh, shh." Janet didn't really know what to do with humans when water started leaking out of their faces. But Eleanor, standing there, wet and sad and teary, just covered her face, and Janet couldn't stand to see her like that. She rubbed Eleanor's chilly arms.

"Come here, sweetie. Janet's here. Shh." And miraculously, after Janet said that, Eleanor sat down beside her, and leaned into her, her sobs shaking the entire couch.

Janet wrapped her arms around Eleanor and rocked her back and forth. She knew that human babies liked this treatment when they were upset; it didn't seem odd that Eleanor, who liked so many things that babies liked and needed so much of the same care that babies needed, would like it too. And Eleanor did end up calming down a little bit. She snuggled into Janet, burying her wet face against Janet's impeccable clothes, and stayed like that for awhile.

And oddly enough, Janet didn't even mind.

Eleanor was warm and soft, smelling sweet, like soap and shampoo, with an undercurrent of urine from her wet diaper. She readily accepted comfort, and Janet felt a flush of pride at that - before they'd tried this experiment, Eleanor wouldn't have been able to even express this kind of emotion or vulnerability at all. She had made a mess of Janet's blouse, but her sobs were slowing down to hiccups and sniffles, and Janet felt proud of herself for being able to comfort Eleanor when she was this scared and upset on her very first try. Michael would love to hear about this later.

"There," said Janet, as Eleanor raised her red, teary, mucus-and-tearstained face from Janet's blouse. "That's a bit better." Janet reached for a tissue, in a box on the side table, and wiped Eleanor's face for her. "Now you're not leaking anymore, either."

Eleanor managed a tiny smile at that. She picked up her blanket and rubbed it on her cheek, letting out a big shaky sigh. "Sorry, Janet."

"Oh, Eleanor, it's okay. Don't be sorry. You had some emotions. That's nothing to be sorry for." Janet wiped Eleanor's cheeks again, a few stray tears making their way down the little one's cheeks, and gave her a snuggle. "I do know that Tahani is going to be right back, probably within the next few moments. She probably just lost track of time. She has absolutely no intention of being out all night at all."

Eleanor nodded, then looked down and played with the string on her pajama pants. She sighed and squirmed on the couch, then turned shyly to Janet and leaned into her shoulder again.

Janet knew what Eleanor wanted. She pulled Eleanor onto her lap, trying to ignore the squish of her wet diaper as Eleanor settled on her purple skirt. The little blonde was a lot lighter than she looked - Eleanor stood so solidly that she looked much sturdier than she actually was. And as light and fragile as she was, she was also like a little bird - ready to fly away at a moment's notice or wrong move.

But Eleanor seemed to need someone to comfort her and keep her steady. After a moment of shifting around on Janet's lap, she pulled her blanket over her and rubbed the edge on her cheek, her thumb going into her mouth. And then she leaned on Janet, heaving a shaky sigh.

"Tahani's coming home soon?" was all she said, her blue eyes searching Janet's dark ones, all the questions she had left unasked.

"Soon, baby girl," said Janet, and held Eleanor close.

She cursed the loss of her powers here on Earth. Tahani would have a lot of explaining to do.

But for now . . . Janet didn't really mind having a lapful of cuddly Eleanor. She didn't know that cuddling could be so nice.

Another piece of information to add to the firmware. Janets really did get better all the time.


	3. Eleanor

Snuggled on Janet's lap, Eleanor drew a careful, calming breath, just the way that Tahani's mindfulness app said she should. But she couldn't stop the hammering of her heart, or the way she felt like she needed something to do with her hands. 

She leaned against Janet, noting in the back of her mind that Janet's curious absence of a heartbeat was a little strange when she was so used to listening to Tahani's strong, steady heart beating under her ear, and tried to get a hold of herself. Of course Tahani would be right back. They were all adults, after all. She was allowed to go out and leave Eleanor alone. She was allowed to do things without Eleanor.

But Eleanor couldn't stop her lower lip from uncontrollably trembling. Why did Tahani go away? Was Eleanor so distasteful to be around that Tahani just had to escape? Eleanor sucked her thumb raptly, her lips quivering around it, and tried to hide a sniffle. She'd already melted down on Janet once today. And Janet, though of course she had seen Eleanor in her little state and didn't mind, also didn't take care of Eleanor on a regular basis. Eleanor felt the need to be somewhat reserved and put-together. 

The problem was, her little self didn't think so.

Eleanor squirmed on Janet's lap. She was uncomfortably wet, as she usually was when waking up from a nap. Bottles before naps obviously led to more wetting, and Eleanor was shamefacedly aware of that fact, but she didn't want to give up that particular brand of comfort. Often, the warm milk was the only thing that let her fall softly into sleep, without the usual tossing and turning and trying to find a comfortable position to relax in. Janet, seeming to note Eleanor's discomfort with her wet bottom, rubbed Eleanor's back again.

"Sweetie," she said, her calm voice soothing to Eleanor's ears, "I really wish you would let me change your diaper. Your bum's going to get so sore."

Eleanor knew it. She almost always had a rash when she pulled this sort of thing. But the idea of Janet changing her seemed so weird. And so she found herself shaking her head again, avoiding Janet's direct dark gaze.

"'M fine."

"Okay," said Janet, her voice definitely telling Eleanor that she didn't think it was okay at all. She continued to rub slow circles on Eleanor's back, and her even, slow breathing calmed Eleanor. Eleanor started to breathe the same way Janet did. In and out. In and out. In and out . . .

And then she felt a sudden warmth - was she wetting right now? She tucked her face into the hollow that Janet's collarbone made, and pressed against Janet's warm skin. Janet didn't really smell like anything at all, which was strange to Eleanor, who was used to Tahani's freesia-scented perfume. Janet just smelled like air.

But Janet, of course, knew everything. "Eleanor." She gently tipped Eleanor's face up so that she could see it better. "I think you just wet your pants again."

Eleanor didn't know what to say. She just stared miserably at Janet's patterned necktie and then she started to cry. Great, Shellstrop. Great.

Janet tsked. "Oh, Eleanor. It's okay." She patted Eleanor's back and rocked her back and forth. "You're having a really hard time, aren't you? Humans really struggle sometimes with all those emotions."

Eleanor rubbed her fists into her eyes. "I don't usually have this many."

"You're feeling upset. It's okay, sweetheart." Janet patted her back again. "But I'm going to have to insist that we get you changed. You're going to leak and honestly, tears are gross enough," she said matter-of-factly, and pulled a face.

Eleanor usually would have laughed at such a statement. She could feel her rational self wanting to snicker. But her little self was firmly in place. Her mouth pulled down into a pout, and then she started to sniffle again.

"Don't take it so personally," Janet soothed. "I would think anyone leaking on me was gross." She gently pushed Eleanor off her lap and stood up. "Come on, let's go and get you fixed up."

Eleanor shook her head, more firmly this time. "No, I want Tahani to do it."

"Honey . . ." Janet sighed. "I don't know when she's going to be back. And you can't sit in wet pants like that. You and I both know that skin breaks down on with too much contact with urine."

"I'll do it, then," said Eleanor roughly, and pushed past Janet to stalk down the hall. But before she'd taken a few steps, she stopped in the middle of the floor and started to shiver. Then she covered her face and let out a wail.

Everything was just so _hard_. Tahani wasn't _supposed_ to have left. She wasn't supposed to have left Eleanor wet and alone and with so many tears. Eleanor slid down to the floor, feeling her wet diaper squish under her uncomfortably, and sat with a bump in the middle of the floor. 

"Oh, dear. Oh, Eleanor," she heard Janet say, as if from far away, and then Janet was sitting beside her. Eleanor leaned into Janet and cried. Everything was so _wrong_. Eleanor couldn't remember feeling this out of control for a long time. She let Janet stroke her hair off her wet cheeks, but she kept her hands over her eyes. It was better without all the brightness of the light in the apartment and having to look at Janet and deal with things like having a wet diaper. 

And she was hungry, too, Eleanor realized as her tummy let out an audible growl. But Tahani always made her a sandwich after her nap. And she knew how to spread the peanut butter and the jam properly - not mixing it up strangely as lots of people did. And Tahani would always cut the crusts off, even though Eleanor liked crusts, and put them on the side of the plate so Eleanor could eat them separately. 

But Tahani wasn't _here_. Eleanor let out a sob. 

"Where is she? Where's Tahani?" Her voice was almost unintelligible, it was so choked with tears, and Janet let out a worried sigh, rocking Eleanor back and forth.

"She should be back any minute, sweetie. I'm so sorry this is so hard for you."

Eleanor felt herself starting to shiver uncontrollably. "She didn't take her phone. She didn't tell you where she was going. And she didn't come back when I woke up." She looked up at Janet. "Janet, why did she leave? Was I so bad to be around?" Her voice trembled. "Was I such a brat today?"

"Oh, baby girl." Janet cuddled Eleanor. "You had a rough morning. She needed a break. She definitely didn't say anything about you being bad or a brat, because you're not. You're just an out of sorts little girl. And that's okay. It's okay to have a bad day."

Eleanor sniffled. She felt a little better. Janet didn't lie - she couldn't. That made Eleanor feel a little less panicky.

Janet continued to rock Eleanor. "She just needed some fresh air and a little space. Space is healthy in a relationship. You know that. She would never leave you forever without a lot of discussion first. Not everyone is going to leave you, sweetie. Not everyone is like your parents were."

Eleanor stiffened a little. She didn't like to talk about her parents. "I know."

"I know you know in here." Janet stroked Eleanor's tumbled blonde hair. "But I know it's harder to know in here." She patted Eleanor's back, where she could likely feel the hammering of Eleanor's heart. 

Eleanor didn't say anything. She let Janet continue to rub slow circles on her back, and focused on getting her breathing back under control. And just as she felt her eyes closing sleepily as Janet held her securely on the floor, she heard the jingle of keys in the front door lock, and the door lock snick open.

"Hello! I'm back! Eleanor! Janet!" Tahani's bright voice called out from the front hall. "Where are you, loves?"

Janet smiled at Eleanor. "I think someone's home."

//~//

Eleanor got shakily to her feet, and then without even thinking, ran, her tiny bare feet making barely a sound on the cool ceramic tile. She sped into the front hall, where her tall girlfriend was taking off her shoes, shopping bags all around her, and immediately barrelled into Tahani, her arms fastening like iron bands around Tahani's waist.

"Well, hello!" Tahani straightened with a little difficulty and wrapped her warm arms around Eleanor. "Hello, lamb. Oh my goodness." She sounded a little out of breath. "Eleanor, darling, you're squeezing the very breath out of me." She gently loosened Eleanor's arms and tipped her face up to give her a kiss. "How was your . . . darling, what's the trouble? Have you been crying?" 

Tahani's face turned from cheerful to concerned, and Eleanor's lower lip immediately began to shake. She let out a sob, and then another, and then suddenly she was crying so hard she couldn't say anything. Tahani looked surprised.

"My darling little one, what is the matter? Oh, Eleanor, shh. Oh, my little lamb. Shh, shh." Tahani lifted Eleanor into her arms and gave her a long hug, rubbing her back. Eleanor tucked her face into Tahani's neck and cried, knowing she was getting tears and snot all over Tahani and not caring.

"Janet, love, why is she so upset?" Tahani kissed Eleanor's hair, all she could access since Eleanor's face was hidden. Eleanor peeked through the screen of her hair at Janet, who looked concerned and sad.

"You forgot your phone, and you didn't tell her you were leaving," said Janet. "I'm afraid it kind of threw her for a loop. She's been pretty upset since she woke up."

Eleanor felt Tahani pat her bottom. "She's soaked! Janet, you didn't think to change her nappy? Or encourage her to do it herself?" Tahani added, feeling Eleanor stiffen in her arms. She knew Eleanor only liked Tahani to change her. "She'll have a rash now, and that's the last thing we bloody need," Tahani muttered, and shifted Eleanor's weight in her arms. 

"She was a little too upset to want me to have anything to do with that, I'm afraid. And she was on her way to do it herself when she panicked." Janet's voice was expressionless, and Tahani started towards the living room, still carrying Eleanor. "Tahani . . . I don't think you understand how Eleanor felt when she woke up and you weren't here."

"Well, I think I understand, darling, just fine." Tahani's voice was clipped. "She's clearly very upset. What I'm not certain about exactly is why. Eleanor must have known I'd come back."

They had reached the door of the bedroom now, and at those words, Eleanor felt a rush of anger. She struggled down from Tahani's arms and stood, angry and tearstained, in front of her girlfriend. She stamped her foot.

"No!" she snapped, her voice choked and rusty. "No, I _didn't_ know for sure. You never just leave. You always take me. Or you tell me you'll be right back. You never just _go_ and leave me alone."

Tahani looked absolutely gobsmacked. "Eleanor, really. I just went to the shops down the road. I was barely gone even a few hours!"

"You didn't say you wanted to leave at all!" Eleanor clenched her fists, feeling her diaper start to leak down her inner thigh. "You said I could have a n-nap and then we c-could make c-c-cookies afterwards, and you weren't here and Janet was here and I like Janet but I wanted _you!_ " More tears sneaked down her cheeks and she clutched the crotch of her diaper.

"I'm wet," she sobbed. "I didn't want Janet to do it because I needed _you_. You left me all alone!"

Tahani's lips twisted and she looked like she was holding back tears. "Eleanor, lamb. I'm sorry, darling. I didn't know you'd be this upset. I didn't think you'd mind a bit!" Tahani now sounded like she was holding back tears, but Eleanor didn't want to hear it. She slipped inside the bedroom door, closed it firmly, and locked it behind her. She just didn't want to listen to Tahani right now.

But her heart twisted when she heard Tahani's voice break. "Eleanor . . . please."

So she unlocked the door and opened it. Tahani's face was tear-streaked, and Eleanor felt her heart twist. She opened her arms and Tahani came into them, and they stayed like that for awhile.

"Don't do it again," said Eleanor roughly. "You can't leave me alone unless you tell me. Okay? Even if I'm a brat, you can't go away. Please." Eleanor rubbed her hand across her face. "I need you."

"I need you, too," said Tahani, her voice sounding choked. Eleanor kissed her, and Tahani kissed her back, then shook herself a little bit. She put her warm hands on Eleanor's shoulders, and stroked back her blonde hair.

"Well. You, my love, need to be badly changed. Janet, darling, can you make some sandwiches? Crusts off, but don't toss them. Leave them -"

"On the plate, right next to the sandwich. I got it." Janet smiled at both of them, and Eleanor snuggled into Tahani, and gave Janet a smile back. 

"You did a good job," she said, and winked at Janet. "You're a cool auntie."

"The best auntie," Tahani agreed, and took Eleanor into the bedroom to change her. 

Eleanor's pants needed to be changed, so Tahani took out her second set of white star-patterned pajama pants while Eleanor selected another diaper, this one purple with unicorns printed on it. It would show through her pants, but she didn't care, and she knew Janet and Tahani didn't, either.

Tahani didn't say anything as she wiped Eleanor down and applied diaper cream all over her bottom. It was rare for her to be quiet, and Eleanor poked her arm when she saw Tahani's eyes take on a faraway look.

"What are you thinking about?"

Tahani's eyes focused. "That I hate that you got so upset today. And that I made you worry so." She looked a bit upset as she taped up Eleanor's dry diaper, and Eleanor stroked her arm soothingly. She didn't say anything, though. She didn't know what to say.

Tahani returned from washing her hands, and sat down on the bed beside Eleanor. "Darling, I don't know much about your past. I try to respect that you'll tell me if you need to. But I think this is pretty big, don't you?"

Eleanor looked away, but leaned into Tahani, who cuddled her close. "My parents left. When I was four. I was alone for two days by myself before the neighbours found me."

Tahani gasped. "Oh, Eleanor."

"My dad just didn't bother to come home, thinking my mother was there. My mother clearly had enough of parenting. I'd had a tantrum before she left . . . I remember. She wouldn't let me have a particular toy I wanted, that was in a commercial on TV. So she walked out and I woke up alone. I couldn't reach the light switches without a chair . . . so I was in the dark for awhile before I could move one of the kitchen chairs over to the switch. And I couldn't reach the cupboards without climbing. I ate, but it was stuff like crackers. Bread. Spoonfuls of peanut butter. A lot of sugar." Eleanor laughed a little bit, a bit bitterly. "I even drank some of my dad's beer. I figured if he liked it, maybe I would, too. But I didn't."

Tahani let out a little, shocked chuckle, and then kissed Eleanor's hair. "Oh, darling. I wish I'd known. No wonder you panicked so much."

"I just need you . . . not to leave. Not without telling me. I promise I'd never stand in your way if you wanted to go, but Tahani, I need you." Eleanor paused, and then shyly, quietly, whispered, "I love you."

"I love you. So much, my darling, lovely little lamb." Tahani kissed Eleanor, wiping a few stray tears off her own cheeks before she wiped Eleanor's. "I'm so sorry, my love."

Eleanor wrapped her arms around Tahani. "It's okay. You owe me, though."

Tahani's warm brown eyes started to sparkle. "What will it be this time, you tiny dictator?"

Eleanor smiled back. "I'll think of something."

//~//

Janet let herself out once Eleanor had eaten her sandwich, jelly all over her face, while Tahani had nibbled daintily at hers and gave up on wiping Eleanor's face clean. "You'll have to be sticky. I just can't get it off your cheeks, not without a wet cloth."

"It's fine, Tahani," Eleanor said, swatting Tahani's hands out of the way and getting up to run after Janet. She knew she was sticky, but she couldn't help but throw her arms around Janet, squeezing her tightly. Janet didn't even change her breathing. She just squeezed Eleanor back.

"Thank you," Eleanor murmured, and Janet smiled down at her.

"That's what Janets are for."

Later, in the bath, Eleanor splashed water at Tahani until Tahani finally removed her dress and panties and climbed in with her. "Good Lord, Eleanor, you'll have this whole bathroom drowned before you're finished," she grumbled, but she pulled Eleanor into her and held her under the warm water, letting out a long sigh of relief.

Eleanor kissed Tahani's nose and her girlfriend opened her eyes, smiling down at her.

"Are you feeling better, little love?"

Eleanor nodded. "And I thought of what you could get me to make up for being so mean to me today."

A look of pain crossed Tahani's face, but she smiled at Eleanor, anyway. "Oh, no. What now?"

"A unicorn. A big one."

"Darling, you have three unicorns, and one was the biggest one I could find." Tahani looked pained. "How much bigger can they get?"

"I found one on Amazon . . ." Eleanor grinned wickedly as Tahani splashed her playfully. 

"Oh, NO. Not Amazon! Anything but your shopping sprees on Amazon . . ."

But Tahani held her close, and kissed her all over her wet little face, and Eleanor knew that she not only would be getting her unicorn, she'd also be getting anything else she wanted for the foreseeable future.

"Of course you can have anything you want, little lamb. Just as long as you always smile at me just in that way."

And Eleanor gazed into her girlfriend's eyes, and smiled her tender smile that she only had for Tahani.

"Okay."


End file.
